Daily shouts
McSweeney’s
I Will Do Anything to Make This Movie Studio Profitable, Except Release a Good Movie
You Have To Watch This Painfully Bleak Sitcom
Popular Song Lyrics Adjusted For The Gig Economy
Everything You Need to Know Before the Premiere of World War III
What Your Bookshelf Organization Says About You
Updated Rules for Settlers of Catan
the onion (headlines)
We Discovered More Awful Facts About Hitler, Though Still Not As Bad As The Main Hitler Stuff
Brilliant New Animated Comedy Gives Viewers Clinical Depression
Joe Rogan Starting To Make A Lot Of Sense To Man Who Gets All His News From Joe Rogan
Grandmother’s Final Words ‘Have When It Together On It Go Family’
Report: Friends Don’t Really Think Of You As Part Of Group
Unmistakable Sound Of Body Hitting Floor In Other Room Probably Nothing
Critically Acclaimed Map Puts Map-Maker On Map-Making Map
Engineer Thinking Bridge For This One
Man Honestly Better Off For Having Turned Self Over To Algorithms
Door Either Locked or Heavy or Not Door
Man’s Entire Diet Plan Eating So Much Of Delicious Thing He Gets Sick Of It
Expositional Character Just Wants To See If They Have This Straight
Poor Attendance At Intervention A Real Wake-Up Call
REDUCTRESS (selected)
*contributor to the book HOW TO STAY PRODUCTIVE WHEN THE WORLD IS ENDING*
‘I Should Start Meditating,’ Says Woman Who Just Needs to Get Her Back Blown Out
Study Traces Nation’s Step-Sibling Porn Habit Back To ‘Life With Derek’
Woman Without Headphones Spends Pleasant Subway Ride Thinking About Dick
Boyfriend ‘Nervous’ To Meet Your Parents But Fearless About Using Pull-Out Method
How To Stop Competing With Other Women And Start Dating Them
QUIZ: Is He Cheating Or Is He Cheating A Lot?
Self-Administered Breast Exam Somehow Has $95 Co-Pay
How To Suck His Dick So Hard It Makes A Kazoo Sound
4 Little Black Dresses That’ll Make Him Forget He’s Your Second Cousin
Quiz: Is She Your New Best Friend Or Is She Just Wearing Overalls With Confidence?
I Lived It: I Literally Never Know What Anyone Is Talking About
Newly Discovered Pages From Anne Frank’s Diary Reveal She Was A Horse Girl
Why I’m Waiting Until Marriage Before I Gargle Balls
Registered Sex Offender-Only Screening of ‘Manhattan’ Sells Out In Under Five Minutes
The Belladonna
I’m Every Romantasy Novel Heroine
Hi, it’s Me, Abortion. Can We Talk?
Congratulations On Your Promotion to the Position of My Boyfriend
In The Unlikely Event That I Fall Into An Enchanted Slumber…